so, there's a lot going on,

and

blargh.

I feel like I'm whining or perpetuating if I write about it here. Hyperfocusing maybe?

I want to suck it up and be an adult and focus on the positive because really? Everyone's lives suck, and I don't deserve any more pity than anyone else. If I've more drama and more problems I kinda think its because I bring them on. And I don't want to bring on mo' drama mo' problems so trying to pare it down.

Mostly I'm paranoid about work, worried about my money and my health, and unable to stay on top of basic household chores.

And I'm reading Portrait of a Lady and scared by how much personality I have in common with Isabel Archer because from what I can recall she meets a bad end (doesn't she? No details and uh, no confirmation if she does okay?)

I'm lonely and commitmentphobic and really? find only the crap guys not-scary.

I've lost fourteen pounds for sure since november and I'm pretty sure most of it was since feb/march.

I'm broke.

I'm whining which ^ don't want to do.

And yeah. Oy.